Detach and Let Go

After a few years of working out and getting passionate about fitness, I had developed a lean and muscular physique. It became something that others noticed and I was frequently complimented on it. Naturally, it started to become part of my identity and truthfully, I really enjoyed it.

While I had an impressive regime around training, the mindset I had developed wasn’t conducive to supporting my health or physique long term.

My mindset was desperate and controlling. Plus, my priorities around my health were all screwed up.

If I lost even an ounce of progress, it felt like I was losing everything. Enough was never enough. There was always better to strive for. At that point I had allowed so much of my identity (& as a byproduct - my self worth) to be tied to my body.

This left me with no room for mistakes. Which meant, that when I did make a mistake, it sent me spiraling.

Two cookies turned into a binge in the blink of an eye. It felt like I hardly had time to assess what was happening. Which of course, only led me to feel more out of control and then because of that, I would try to be more controlling in the future. This might’ve meant I was fasting the next morning, running an upwards of 8 miles, or planning a “really clean week” ahead.

In terms of maintaining my physique, this worked for a while. But mentally (and eventually physically), it was wearing and tearing.

Until gaining 25 pounds set me free.

After I came off of birth control in 2022, my body had a hard time producing hormones and I struggled with post birth control syndrome. Despite being dialed in with food, exercising, sleeping, and decreasing alcohol consumption, I was gaining a pound per week and in just 6 months, I had gained 25 pounds.

Now mind you, for years I desperately clung to the lean and fit body I had created. (I think the reason I clung to it was simple, I finally felt like I was good enough at something others noticed me for.) So when that started slipping right from my fingers and the rug was pulled out from under me, I thought it might nearly take me out. But rather than fall down, something beautiful happened. I was forced to surrender and I learned the miracle of detachment.

I stopped white knuckling, began practicing radical acceptance for my physical body, and gave myself the space and time I needed to heal.

This didn’t mean that I threw in the towel and stopped paying attention to my diet, exercise, and lifestyle habits. It meant that my mindset about them changed.

My decisions became more conscious, I became more mindful. I was no longer on a strict timeline and stopped letting the scale dictate or change my emotional state /decisions. And because of that, I was more present in my own life. Everything felt a little bit easier, including healthy decisions around food. But I had to be willing to let things be as they were first. That meant learning how to love the body I was currently in, regardless of the weight on the scale.

Most, if not all, clients that I see experience stress or anxiety about their health and/or body. Usually the desire to control is strong. What they’re normally looking for is the best of both worlds - the body AND a healthy/flexible mindset.

It might shock you to hear me say that I believe you can have both. My own story and my clients’ stories are my proof.

The key is learning how to detach from the outcome. This means making peace with the present and how things are currently. It means recognizing that even if things aren’t as ideal or optimal as you’d like them to be, they dont have to be in order for you to find peace in them. It’s knowing that there will always be bigger and better to strive for, yet at the same time, knowing how to appreciate the now. Most importantly, it always means releasing the the strict timeline you have in your head and allowing things to happen at your body’s pace.

Someone who is at peace actually has the most control over their mind and body (and ultimately their life), because they radically allow themselves to be in the present moment.

If this feels foreign and maybe even a little bit scary to you, it’s going to be a work in progress. But truthfully, it’s just choosing to embrace a new and different mindset over and over again.

And if there’s one thing I’m positive about, the payoff is going to be huge.